Grey to Black
by FaultsInBeingDivergent
Summary: {AU} "Today is the day of the Choosing Ceremony. It is also Tobias Eaton, my closest friends, Choosing Ceremony. I know he is going to leaving me. " Tobias Eaton and Beatrice Prior have been best friends since they were young. Tobias leaves Tris and transfers to Dauntless; what happens at Tris' Choosing Ceremony? Is Tobias a childhood memory she wishes to put behind her? Rated T.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER I – O N E  
**Beatrice Prior's POV  
**Tobias Eaton's Choosing Ceremony**

I awaken to the sound of my mother's soothing voice, encouraging me to coax back into consciousness. I wish to capture the remaining moments of rest as much as I can, however, today is not a normal Saturday, meaning, I need to be as selfless as my body can somewhat muster.

Today is the day of the Choosing Ceremony. The day in which every sixteen year old chooses which Faction they believe in, and in which they're best suitable too. Dauntless, the brave; Candor, the honest; Amity, the peaceful; Erudite, the intelligent, and my Faction – Abnegation, the selfless.

It is also Tobias Eaton, my closest friends, Choosing Ceremony.

Of course, I have other friends – such as Robert and Susan, my age; but there was always something about Tobias Eaton which was indescribable to me. I felt a connection to him stronger than anyone else. But this is Abnegation; we're supposed to treat everyone the same way and feel the same way, therefore I have never shared this information with anyone.

I drag myself out of my cosy, secure bed and allow myself to become the contaminated, selfless Tris I've trained myself to become the past fourteen years.

"Good morning, mother." I muster, thanking her for the clothes laid out on my bed and changing before preceding her down the stairs.

While doing the simple tasks of the morning – helping my father preparing the table, making small talk with my brother about how his sleep was, exchanging smiles with my mother, only one true thought can process in my brain.

I know he is going to leaving me.

We've discussed it, in the moments in which we have to act as our true selves. They don't happen often, if Caleb is ill and Tobias is asked to walk me home, the moments passing the halls at school. We are selfless, but not selfless enough, and with his father's behaviour towards him, I do not blame him for leaving. However much it may break me, whatever's best for Tobias has to be best for me, too. I may not be selfless enough for Abnegation, but my priory shall always be Tobias' safety over my own.

Snapping me out of my thoughts, my mother lays a hand on my shoulder. "Beatrice, are you sure you're all right this morning? You seem dazed."

I nod a bit too quickly. "Yes mother, I am fine."

She shakes her head quickly, lightly pressing on my arm and pulling me out of the room. "You're nervous about today, aren't you?" I nod slightly again, not wanting to disturb her placing my hair into a tight bun.

"I can't help myself," I muster, words pouring out like a disarranged waterfall. "I know he's not going to stay, mother, and I don't know what I'm going to do without him. I don't know how to explain it."

My mother smiles, placing her palm on my cheek lightly and chuckling to herself. "Oh, Beatrice. You still have your life ahead of you." She takes her palm of suddenly, removing any visible creases on her already perfect clothing.

All of sudden, I hear a knock at the door. My mother nods, as if everything's slipping into place. "That must be the Eaton's now. Time to go, Beatrice."

I greet Tobias with a small smile and a nod, the expected gesture of an Abnegation greeting. Nothing more, nothing less. Never something more when Marcus is around.

Marcus has abused Tobias ever since his mother died during childbirth when he was young. I was the first person to notice the bruises over Tobias body, marked all over as if a pen on a piece of paper. I couldn't bare it then, and I cannot bare it now. That's why I understand Tobias on his moving of Factions. To escape the danger. He has always warned me that if Marcus asks for me to help him out, at any stage, for me to find a way to decline at all costs in case Marcus starts to abuse me. He said if he ever discovered anyone has laid a hand on me, he'll storm back to Abnegation and kill them himself.

This always makes me believe Tobias is going to transfer to Dauntless. Although every time we try to discuss it we always get prevented by something, or someone, moments like these make me believe Tobias Eaton is truly Dauntless.

We arrive to The Hub reasonably quickly, mysteriously greeted by Jeanine Matthews, leader of Erudite, at the entrance. This is not how it works. In the past five years I have been allowed to attend the Choosing Ceremony, the Faction represented has always met us directly at the ceremony.

"Mr Eaton, Mr Prior." Jeanine says positively, her smile as deadly as a snake's. My father tenses. It's no secret that he has never taken a liking to Jeanine Matthews. "It appears you have brought a child under the age of sixteen to the ceremony?" She asks, her eyes quickly scanning to Caleb and I. "The rules have changed this year. But surely, you must have known this. Children sixteen and under are no longer prohibited to view Choosing Ceremonies. You Stiffs will just have to go home and find some way to amuse yourselves on the road."

My father, clearly not amused, nods stiffly for me and Caleb to leave. Panic rises up inside me. I'm not going to see Tobias' choosing ceremony. I may never be able to see Tobias again. Swallowing the pain which consumes my body, I turn to leave.

"Wait!" Tobias says, quickly covering his urgent expression when he receives a curious look of Jeanine. "Have a safe walk home, Caleb" he says, meeting his eyes to Caleb only briefly, pausing when he meets mine. "Beatrice."

His eyes tell messages his speech didn't have the ability to. _I'm leaving today, I wish I could speak to you, I cannot speak to you, I don't wish this to be goodbye. _

I don't want this to be goodbye either, Tobias. Can't you see this as hard for me as it is yourself?

I put all the effort into a smile as I possibly could without breaking down and crying then and there. "Thank you, Tobias." _Thank you for everything._

After that, I turn and walk away as quick as I can, not caring how far behind Caleb is. I can't handle his selflessness that Tobias or I will never have. Not now, not ever.

Later that afternoon, I hear the roars of the Dauntless soaring as they jump on the trains; some, for the first time. I can't help but hear the freedom in their voices, the freedom I do not have.

_Are you with the Dauntless, Tobias? Was I correct? Will I ever see you again?;_

I quickly correct myself.

_I will find you, Tobias Eaton. In two years, we will meet again. _


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER II – T W O  
**Beatrice Prior's POV  
**Beatrice Prior's Choosing Ceremony**

While my mother is trimming my hair, compulsory each third day of every third month, I sneak a glance of my reflection in the mirror.

Things have changed in the past two years. I have changed. The scrawny, naive Beatrice died the same day as the Choosing Ceremony two years ago; she is gone.

This new Beatrice cares for little. With her piercing blue eyes, a proud height of 5'5, the old Beatrice is practically non-existent.

The night I lost Tobias, I made a promise to myself to change; to stop being the Beatrice Prior who followed in Tobias Eaton's footsteps, constantly thinking about him, worrying about him as if I had reached a whole complete new level of selflessness devoted to one person.

It didn't work. I think about Tobias every day, as if an obsession.

I fear that I realized I had fallen in love with Tobias Eaton, and I hate him, and myself, for it.

"You ready?" My mother asks, smiling up at me staring up at my reflection in the mirror. I feel a sudden surge of anger. She should be scowling me for not acting Abnegation, for not being selfless, but I'm so consumed in my own unselfishness that she no longer has the energy to correct me on my actions.

"Like I have a choice," I mutter, un-creasing my clothes as we walk out the door.

My father narrows his eyes at me – breathing heavily, as if trying to remain calm. "Beatrice," he says, shaking his head as if immensely frustrated. "Stop letting that boy get to you! He's making you act unselfish!"

"WHO SAID I WAS SELFLESS?" I shout, extremely out of character and not at all embarrassed by my outrage. I didn't care if our neighbours and their parents could hear us. I don't care if people stare at me as if I am some type of evil. I don't care. I don't care. I can't care.

"Beatrice," Caleb mutters, quietly, so I only I am able to hear him. "Not here; not now."

I grunt, pulling away from his iron grip on my arm as if he just burned me. I am tempted to comment on how he could not possibly understand. Caleb Prior, the golden child; the Abnegation child. Caleb doesn't have an unselfish bone in his body, it's unlikely he feels the ache of not belonging which runs through me passively, as if a current of lightning struck through a tree.

I sigh dramatically, as if to signify I have calmed down.

The problem is, I will never calm down - not really. The Dauntless burning in my heart aches for Tobias Eaton.

Confusion swirls around me as I walk home like a child under water in a swimming pool. Naive; curious; afraid.

All my life, I simply believed the only thing wrong with myself was that I was a Dauntless born into the world of Abnegation. Nothing more, nothing less.

I never expected to be something unknown to myself. Divergence. Erudite, Abnegation, Dauntless.

Tori warned me this signified danger if I was not careful towards my actions. No matter what, I shall be becoming Dauntless, I will start a new life, I will become a better Beatrice - one which doesn't worry about Tobias Eaton, one which doesn't have to shout on the street and be constantly looked at as if a lost cause.

And even my Divergence can't stop me.

As I lay down to go to sleep that night, scenes of Tobias reoccur in my thoughts. When he taught me how to tie my shoelaces when I was seven, being a consistent trainer although only being nine; his warm, kind fingers soothingly rubbing the hurt from my knee when I fell over at five , reassuring me everything was going to be OK, that it was only a graze; giving me a forbidden peck on the cheek the night of his sixteenth birthday, confirming his and my thoughts of him leaving for another Faction at his soon approaching Ceremony.

Tomorrow morning, I will put these memories behind me. Tomorrow morning, I will not be Beatrice the selfless, or Beatrice the arrogant; tomorrow, I will have to become another.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER III –  
**Beatrice Prior's POV  
**Beatrice Prior's Choosing Ceremony: Part II**

Today is the day of my choosing ceremony.

I raise my hands above my body slowly, trying to exhale all the exhaustion out of my body to consume the energy for which I need on a day like this.

Lifting myself out of bed excitedly, I take in the appearance of my surroundings more clear than I have the past sixteen years. Light, grey walls; a simple, single sized bed; a simple, oak table with a grey clock and a grey wardrobe consisting of my flat, compulsory Abnegation clothing. I am also intending for this to be the last time I see it.

Checking whether the coast is clear, I allow myself to open my wardrobe, revealing a necklace nestled in between the wood at the bottom. I received it from Tobias the night before he left; I have no idea how he had the capability of purchasing it for me, or where – he never did muster the courage to tell me. However - simple black bird, aligned upwards, as if about to take place, was the most personalized item I had ever received in my life, therefore, the most selfish.

I plan on giving it back to Tobias if he transferred to Dauntless.

Clutching it in my palm, I allow a moment of silence – picturing a bird in flight; free; peaceful; fulfilled.

I hide it in my shoe while getting changed.

The morning passes relatively quickly and over shadowed by silence; after my outburst yesterday, my family knows where my loyalties lie when it comes down to factions and blood.

"It's time!" My father tells us, breaking the awkward silence as we reach The Hub; his eyes hover over mine, only quick to meet Caleb's with a smile. "We will see you soon, Caleb."

Caleb greets my father back with an awkward smile. I freeze. Caleb couldn't possibly be transferring, could he? Perhaps I do not know my brother as much as I originally thought.

Before we all make our separate ways – I receive a firm hug from my mother, her nerves radiating off onto my currently cold body. "I love you, Beatrice. Be brave."

Nodding sharply, being careful not to let the tears flow, I make eye contact with my mother. I feel as if I am falling off a twenty foot building and there's nothing I can do to prevent it; my mother, who I have been shouting at, disrespecting, not responding to and been uttermost rude to the past two years is giving me a message. "I forgive you; go and be Dauntless; be brave; be yourself" - and all I can now think about is how I'm about to leave her forever.

"I love you too, mother." I whisper; because that's all I can do, whisper. She has taken every feeling out of me and cleansed them.

"Please, take a seat everyone" Marcus encourages, glaring at me as if it is my fault Tobias is gone; as if I took Tobias from him. One time, Marcus requested for me to go round his house to help him with "cleaning" – I refused, causing an awkward tension between my family and his since. I follow his gaze and find where I need to sit.

The ceremony goes in reverse alphabetical order – so I shall be somewhere in the middle and Caleb shall choose before me. Nerves and excitement consume my body as Marcus begins his speech.

"Today is a very special day." He starts, putting on a false smile which everyone somehow oh-so believes. "Today is the day in which each of our Factions will receive their new initiates, and gradually, members."

Relaxing in my chair, I go over the options of where Tobias could have possibly transferred to in my head.

"Erudite – those who believe ignorance is defined not as stupidity but as lack of knowledge." Erudite. I had an aptitude for Erudite – and Tobias has always been smart; such as the time he purchased my necklace despite being against Abnegation rules.

"Candor – for those who believe dishonesty makes evil possible and is rampant." As the Candor nod their heads in agreement, I know that Tobias can be honest, but he would never choose to constantly live through it.

"Abnegation – who believe selfishness was the result of our downfall." I could never be selfless enough; neither could Tobias.

"Amity – for those who believe peace and harmony is simply enough to keep the world going." I have to contain myself from snorting and causing attention to myself at this. Tobias, or myself, for that matter could never be Amity.

"And last, but not least – Dauntless. For those who believe that cowardice is to blame for the world injustices, and for shouting for those who can only whisper, in defending those who cannot defend themselves." As the Dauntless hoot at the sound of their faction, I allow a grim smile to appear on my face. I could be Dauntless, I could choose Dauntless again and again and never regret in what they stand for; I wonder if Tobias could, too.

Marcus grins at us, cupping his hands as if he is pleased with the speech he just delivered to all the sixteen year-olds, "It's time to choose, Initiates."

Time could have not passed quicker even if I urged it to.

I watched as each sixteen-year-old Z-P chose their faction. A girl transferring from Amity to Erudite, Erudite to Erudite, Dauntless to Dauntless, Abnegation to Amity - the combinations of people switching this year honestly shocked me; people are usually a lot more willing to stick to what they know.

Perhaps we are the year in which everything changes.

Before I know it, Caleb is called up to the stage. He walks up confidently – as if he has knew his whole life which faction he belongs to. However, as his blood hits the water, confusion and shock runs through my body. How could someone so selfless let themselves ripple in the water of Erudite?

To me – the Erudite water is sweet, but blood shall always be thicker. My father has always despised Erudite, and I never would consider joining their faction he has such a hatred for.

As Caleb walks over to the Erudite, their shock as clear on their faces as my own, I can't help thinking the fact that my own brother is a traitor.

I'm transferring to Dauntless – perhaps I am, too.

"Beatrice Prior," Marcus says, averting his gaze to mine. While putting the knife from his hand into my own, I can tell he knows what I'm going to do; it is evident on his face. He knows I am following in Tobias' footsteps.

"Choose carefully, Beatrice." He mutters, so only I can hear. "Who says he still cares about you?" Sneering, he looks up innocently, as if his mouth only twitched.

As my blood sizzles on the coals, I make sure Marcus receives one of the biggest glares I have ever possessed. I am doing this for myself, not Tobias Eaton.

I am Dauntless, I am brave.


End file.
